This story is not mine to tell, so I will not say one word. I want to share the things it has made me realize about myself though.
I spoke with a friend from Australia today, one who knows me well enough to know that I have a lot to say all of the time. My stories are lengthy, this is not a new find. However in serious situations, I am one of very few words. It is what it is, and discussing in circles is a complete waste of time.
He recognized the severity of the situation because there was nothing to say back, no joking, no laughter, just acknowledgment of a terrible occurrence. It was a bite size story but I appreciate his ear for those short six words. I'm grateful he allowed me to say them and that he listened intently. Sometimes six words is all you need, this time six words was enough. And for that I need to say thank you, because its nice to have a friend across the world with whom I can share a story that isn't mine to tell.
I'm not one to get shaken and I do not dwell. I don't let situations take my attitude, because really in life that is all we can control. I find easy solutions and I make myself believe them. I convince myself to move forward and swallow any emotions that might get stirred. I don't lay down to be walked over, but I figured out today, that I don't fight either, instead I turn, leave, and don't ever look back. After discovery of this inherent truth, I have to ask myself if I believe that this is an admirable quality, and at this point in time, I just don't know the answer.
One thing I do know is that over the last three years my life has been a bit unstable. I learned to walk away and I do it very well. I figured out how to be happy, and how to ignore the things I can not change. I learned to be unattached. I always expect my expectations to be completely wrong. In several ways it has made me a hell of a lot stronger. It's taught me to focus and to be independent. In these types of situations though, it has chilled me to the core. I can feel it. I had to teach myself to be the way I am today, but I can say with intense conviction that these behaviors have become habit. I'm just not sure if I will ever be one to commit, not after my life and definitely not after today.
